She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
