i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
