Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
