Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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