You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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