I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
