She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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