You just made me feel so damn special
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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