Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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