allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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