my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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