After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
