Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
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