Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
