Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
