Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
