Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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