fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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