Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I love having hate sex.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
