I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
