I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
