i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
