Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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