Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
