I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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