she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
do herpes really smell.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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