you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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