Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
