Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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