Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
