Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
