i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
