"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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