You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
