so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Randomize
