Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
