I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
