sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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