I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
