oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
