If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
