hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He passed out mid-signature
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It's shark week go big or go home
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
