dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
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