no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
