I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
