The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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