im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
