Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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