I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
where are my eyebrows?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
