she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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