i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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