You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just found puke in my bra..
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
