we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
