Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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