hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
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