Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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