Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Fuck appropriateness.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
