what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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