Who wears a wallet chain?!
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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