I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
