If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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