Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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