Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
