I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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