Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
